All dresses, all the time

I just received a spam comment on this blog that said, “STOP! What are you doing blogging will never make you any serious money.” Too true, too true, spambot. (That is, unless you are a trendy Mormon lady blogger…)

Why I only ever want to wear dresses

Abby and Kelsey (Childhood)

I would like to only wear dresses, ever.

My mom told me that when I was a tiny child, if she tried to dress me in pants or shorts, I would tear them off and INSIST on being put back in a dress. (My child-mind reasoning went as follows: Girls wear dresses. I am a girl. Ergo, I must wear dresses.) I still feel this way (that I must wear dresses, not that all women should or must).

While I must give homage to my feminist forebears for the freedom to don jeans, I have never looked good in pants. My legs are too bony and shapeless to fill out pants, and so I labor under the delusion that my bird legs look better under a breezy skirt. They might. I wear pants, obviously, particularly in the fall and winter, but you should know that I’m always doing it against my will.

I counted them the other day. I currently own 37 dresses. And yet I still feel like I need more.

I hope maxi dresses stay stylish for a million more years. I want to live and die in a maxi dress. I want to buy all the maxi dresses. I want to be in one right now.

Men, you don’t know what you are missing. There is tremendous physical freedom* in dresses. (*At least, in modern dresses. Lord knows I wouldn’t want to be a woman living in any time period prior to 1920, caged in and weighed down by yards of stilting fabric.) I encourage you to try a dress, or at least a skirt. It really is a shame, for your sakes, that you are not culturally permitted to wear dresses. Because dresses rule. Your lives would change if you could wear them.

In college, I started a little challenge among my friend circle, No Pants April. We had to wear dresses or skirts every day for the month of April. (The only exception was exercise clothes; no one except good, pure homeschoolers should suffer the indignity of having to work out in a skirt.) It caught on quickly and soon I had a dozen women joining me in the challenge. Word has it that Grace has even tried to keep up the tradition there.

You see, I am a fundamentally lazy dresser. This is why dresses are flawless to me. Dresses can do no wrong. You jump into one and you’re DONE. No need to pair tops and bottoms and belts. It is the Complete Outfit, the perfect uniform. A complete godsend for sartorially anxious, lazy people like me. I will wear dresses until my last breath, until it is no longer even mildly appropriate or attractive for me to wear them. I pledge to further eradicate pants from my wardrobe, for the good of my soul.

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12 thoughts on “All dresses, all the time

  1. Speaking of men and skirts, you will chuckle, perhaps, to hear this story, My son-in-law is a rather notable dresser at all times He grew up in Montana and he always wears long sleeved white shirts, boot cut straight leg Wranglers, a neckerchief, a cowboy hat, and cowboy boots. People can tell from one glance that he ain’t from New England, where they live and where he works as a carpenter and farrier. Recently, however, after trying on a kilt at a party, he asked my daughter, Erin, into making one for him … which he wore to his job as a carpenter. He said it was great! Comfortable, cool, easy to move around in. I imagine it looked kind of funny with the cowboy boots, but hey, he’s used to people gawking at him and he doesn’t much care.

    Anyway, I love wearing dresses and skirts, too and love NPA, thanks to Grace!

  2. I wish I could find more dresses that fit my body type. I tend to wear skirts almost everyday, except when I’m not, I guess. Not nearly as easy, because, like you said, you have to pair a blouse with them. Luckily, all of my skirts are either black, khaki, or beige. Pretty neutral.

  3. I have to agree with all of this. I’m also incredibly lazy, and dresses mean no matching, thank goodness.

    My only pair of jeans have a giant hole in the crotch, which is fine when I sit “lady-like”…but when do I ever do that. So I was thinking about doing some major closet purging and dress buying….any favorite places to buy dresses?

    1. Agreed! My favorite source for dresses is the sale rack at Anthropologie, but even that is often pricey for my budget. My sister Grace always has very good luck at thrift stores–particularly if your tastes tend to the old lady-esque, like mine do–and I get lucky when I go with her. Good luck finding a new suite of dresses!

  4. I am a straight guy who is a fashion rebel – I wear dresses and skirts whenever I can, as a man who is not trying to pass as a woman. Dresses and skirts are just sooooooo comfortable and yes, they do offer so much physical freedom. My favourites are my maxi dresses, and I have 25+ in my wardrobe in a range of different styles and colours – including floral/patterned ones for ‘daytime’ and some gorgeous plain ones for going out in the evening.

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