Somewhere in Japan, July 2008. Exhibit A: Proof that I can’t wear shorts. Or dress myself like an adult. I was a giant horror to all the chic Japanese women.
Garments and styles I’ll never wear again:
- Shorts. No shorts ever again, unless I am doing some strenuous physical activity. I can’t look good in them, no matter how hard I try.
- Cable-knit sweaters. I can’t even begin to tell you how ugly these make me.
- Boxy turtlenecks. À la Lands’ End. You know what I’m talking about. You know they’re bad when not even the models can make them look good. I don’t think I’ve worn one since the late 1990s, though, so I’m fairly safe from repeating this one.
- Polo shirts. I have never been preppy enough to pull off a polo. I don’t think people with naturally curly hair are allowed to wear polos?
- Capri pants. Do people still wear capris? Are they even called that anymore? (And is a capri higher than an ankle jean? Someone educate me.)
- Jean jackets. I’ve never been able to pull off a jean jacket.
If you wear any of these things, I am not passing judgment on you. I have simply come to the point in my young adult life where I have learned that I cannot wear certain things. I need to establish these rules. Because deep down, I think I just want to float around in big, drapey, tent-like garments, the kind that 50-year-old community college art teachers wear. I have to put some limits on myself.
